Let’s lighten the mood for a change!


Let’s all jump into a time machine and go forward eighteen years from the previous post, as a 29 year old man, everyday thoughts running through my head of the collective experiences. But the way I deal with these memories are either put to the back of my mind or by making a fool of myself. For the past ten years I have worked in the childcare industry, somehow hoping I might make a difference even slightly in a child’s life. Currently I work in Coogee the eastern beach side suburb of Sydney, managing a 130 place school aged before and after school care and around 15 staff. Over the years I have come across families who have been as dysfunctional as my own, sometimes I have been hypersensitive to these, but always wanting to protect the children who come to my centres where ever I have worked at, I often tell staff that we don’t know what happens at school or at home but we can make a difference in the children’s time whilst they are at the centre.

Over the years I  have worked my way up the ranks starting my first job in the industry when I was 19, all the while my friends and co-workers around me in times of need was able to phone a family member for help I never was able to do that, I have always needed  to support myself, including paying for all my studies, accommodation and work. My friends became family, as I mentioned before…. And most of all the most important remedy is laughter, no matter what I have been through and some of the things I have shared are just the tip of the iceberg, laughter and sharing positive energy, and most of I have no dramas making a fool of myself for shits and giggles.

I worked with this great person who was from England at the beginning of this year, she now lives back in London, she invited me to have some drinks with her and her mates at the local pub near our work, the Coogee Bay Hotel actually, I finished work at 6, when the last child left, I routinely locked up the centre, got changed and headed down to the pub, I have to admit I like the odd drink and having big nights and dancing the night away, so I was pretty excited about entering the busy smokey beer garden, I scanned the area for Jess and found her in the middle with some of her mates, I introduced myself to the people I hadn’t meet before and greeted the people I had. And just like routine I headed to the bar for a schooner of beer.

Out in the beer garden I was in my prime laughing and talking to these new people, as the night wore on more beers were drunk and the laughter and silliness seemed to escalate higher, crazy random photo’s and good times. Around 8 two bar staff came over to us with a clip board and said they are having a best bum competition heat and I should enter, I looked over to Jess and said “What do you think?”, straight away she said “Do it!”. I laughed and looked at the girls and said if you enter we’ll give you some shorts and some free beers, I mean who was I to turn away some free beers, the two girls wrote my name down and told me to meet inside at 9, we had an hour to go, I looked at Jess and her friends and said “Alright my round” Jess followed me to the bar and said “Are you really going to do this”. I ordered the round, drank another beer and said yep, the hour seemed to go so quickly, as the time went on the more nervous I got, at 9 pm it was time, I went over to where all the other guys who also entered the heat, there was about 20 guys all different looks… What the hell was I doing….??

I went over to one of the main ladies and asked for the shorts as I was wearing jeans, she handed me a pair of red jeans and told me to be quick, I ran to the toilets and quickly got changed, I ran back out to Jess and got her to mind my jeans and I joined the line, my god some people were messy, the ladies went down the line and gave everyone a number, I was number 21, she wrote it on my hand with black marker. What was I doing I kept thinking to myself and laughing, what did I have to do, this was the best bum competition, and I don’t think I have the best bum, but before I knew it the line was moving, I looked ahead and saw guys getting called one by one onto the stage and guys turning around and the crowd cheering, at the front two really attractive ladies with clipboards judging the talent, another person was roving in the beer garden with a microphone.

“The next contestant is Jamie”. My god it was my turn, me in red shots, showing off my pasty white legs, what the hell, I walked up to the stage, turned my back to the crowd, raised my right hand in the air and showed my butt, I walked around the stage and blew a kiss, if I was going to make a fool of myself I was going to do it correctly, everyone was cheering, and I turned around, bent my knees, looked at the crowd and put one finger to my lips and winked, like a naughty boy. It was crazy.

Off the stage I went and let all the other guys strut their stuff, I went straight over to Jess and the group, Jess had tears in her eyes she had been laughing so much, All the guys had been asked back on stage, the person with the microphone was announcing the winner, “I think we’ve all decided who is the winner tonight, a free case of beer and a $100 worth of bar vouchers, the winner of this heat, meaning that he will go into the grand finals and might win ten thousand dollars, the winner is…… Jamie”

Oh my god I won, I couldn’t stop laughing, I had won, I….had…won.

This was all to funny, I jumped of the stage and the judges handed over my prize, I said thank you and went over to my group of friends, god we all laughed, I went to the bathroom and got changed back into my jeans, and went straight to the bar to use the drink vouchers, the rounds were all on me for the night.

Two weeks later the grand finals was on, some of my mates came along, one from New Castle for this event, the grand finals was inside with a large stage, there was a few supporters for me there, I went over to the ladies and I introduced myself and handed over the letter I was told to give. The judges told me to go behind the stage on the right, I went over to where all the other finalist were and looked at them, and all my god what was I doing, these guys were H.O.T, muscular and fit and chiseled and oh my god why am I here, I just started laughing, I made idle chit chat with the other guys.

It was showtime, the room filled up, it was crowded, apparently I was to go on last, the main judge welcomed everyone to the night and said the main prize was ten thousand dollars, would I win? The guys got asked to walk down the cat walk and do a turn and answer some questions, my god I was nervous, but I had a plan, I had a trick, the other guys got asked to go on stage one by one, and this is when it turned crazy and I knew I was out of my depth, as each guy got called up the crazier it became, each was trying to outdo each other, one guy got up and did a back flip, the crowd cheered, the next guy came up, he grabbed the pipes on the roof and did some chin ups….. My god what was I doing?? I just couldn’t stop laughing…. “Jamie”

What it was my turn? It was time to bring out my tricks, I ripped my jeans off, wearing only a green jumper and some small black undie shorts and underneath it was a g-string, I pulled the g-string up high up my back, I went on stage, my friends cheered. I went over to the lady, she asked me some questions, I was in a daze I don’t know what she said, I walked down the stage showed my butt again, and flicked the g-string, if I was going to do this right, I was going to do this right….

Off the stage I went, we were all asked to go back on the stage and do one last round, I swear people booed at me, this just made everything that much funnier, and then it was time to announce the winner…. and the winner…. wasn’t me.

Of course it wasn’t me, how could I have competed with those men…. I went over to my friends and they just embraced me hugged me and laughed, I was holding my jeans.

The purpose of this blog, hopefully made you laugh, as I did during this time, and for you to see how things are in the future, a person who through adversity and isolation can love life, and that I have worked hard to be successful and make a difference in children’s lives, as wanky as it sounds, I really believe positive energy is contagious…. and no matter what your background or history is, you can make a difference.

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